I’ve been putting such a premium on originality lately. Like, I’m not even kidding. I am such a hipster. Not 3.5 days into the Charlie Sheen media frenzy, I’m already sitting there: monitor blaring, mouth agape… not in shock, nor horror, nor wonder - not even in intellectually-fuelled concentration. In boredom. Dude is having a full-frontal public meltdown, carried out online (my office, my playground), and I’m already passing it up with an almighty yawn.

I find it happening in all aspects of my life. Someone reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on the train? YAWN. Waiting 3 minutes in line? YAWN. Telling me there’s snow in Scotland while there’s a natural disaster halfway around the globe? You selfish motherfucker.

I’m obsessed, consumed by getting there first. If it happened 3 days ago, went viral before you found it, I’m not interested. My attention span is dictated not by the movement of the tides (even by this week’s standard) but the upload speed of my latest Skype note (no doubt a lol or a yawn). Memes are my heartbeats. Even my analogies are tailored to the events of today. Which, by the way, are so yesterday.

There’s this sentence I’ve come to fear. It’s pretty innocuous, but to the addict of buffet-cart pop culture, it’s poison.

You haven’t seen / heard / read that?!

Unless you can say yes, then top it with a dubstep remix, you’re drowning.

So. That’s why it’s time to take a step back. Not only do I word-count every 280 characters, but I can no longer conceive of a thought or opinion that can be expressed in over 4 paragraphs. It’s time to miss out and catch up. Sometimes you’ve got to hit pause and give your ideas time to buffer.

Maybe I’ll get my MLitt written while I’m at it.